What every parent should know about dealing with strong-willed kids

If you have a strong-willed child, you know that parenting can be a real challenge. These kids are determined, independent, and often headstrong. They can be frustrating, but they can also be amazing. 

Quite often it’s difficult to know how to deal with them, and the usual parenting techniques rarely work on the stronger-willed or spirited kids. Here are five tips for dealing with your strong-willed child.

1. Recognise their strengths 

First and foremost, it’s important to recognise the positives in having a strong-willed child. These kids are usually creative, resilient, and passionate. They know what they want and they go after it. While this can be challenging at times, it’s also an admirable quality, especially in an adult. These are the kids who are going to change the world! Embrace their strengths and use them to your advantage. For example, if your child is determined, harness that determination and use it to help them achieve their goals. 

2. Set clear boundaries 

With a strong-willed child, it’s especially important to set clear boundaries and be consistent. These kids are most likely to need structure and boundaries in order to feel secure. If there is the slightest chance you may give in to something or change your mind to their advantage, they’ll take advantage. In fact they may keep pushing and pushing just to see if that happens. So set clear boundaries and be consistent. 

3. Don’t take their defiance personally 

It’s easy to take your child’s defiance personally, but try not to. Yes, they might be testing your limits, but they’re not doing it to spite you. They just want to see what will happen, or whether they can get you to change your mind. They’re actually exploring and learning limits by doing this. So basically it’s their job. It’s important to stay calm and not let their behaviour get to you. If you get angry or react emotionally, they’ll keep testing. If you keep calm, consistent limits they’ll realise that’s that and they’ll move on to testing something else. 

4. Pick your battles

As much as possible, try to pick your battles with a strong-willed child. No one likes to be told “no” all the time, especially strong-willed independent kids. Besides, not everything is worth an argument or a power struggle. So ask yourself if the issue at hand is really worth making a big deal out of? If not, let it go and save your energy for when it really matters.  

5. Encourage them to express themselves 

Finally, encourage your strong-willed child to express themselves in positive ways. Whether it’s through art, music, sports, or some other outlet, find ways to help them channel their energy and creativity in constructive ways. A little bit of self-expression can go a long way in helping them release some of that pent-up energy and frustration. 

Parenting a strong-willed child can be challenging, but it can also be incredibly rewarding. These kids are often creative, passionate, and determined - all admirable qualities. By recognising their strengths, setting clear limits, and encouraging self-expression, you can help turn challenges into opportunities for growth, for both of you.

For more information on how to deal with the challenging aspects of your strong-willed child’s behaviour, download my free guide: How to get your strong-willed child to cooperate, here.