What every parent should know about how to stay calm
It’s so easy to get overwhelmed as a parent of small kids. The constant tidying, feeding, cleaning up and getting people to sleep… throw in a picky eater, a toddler with big feelings and a crying baby, and it's no wonder that so many parents feel like they're about to lose their minds.
The constant demands can make it hard to stay calm. Especially if you have a child who likes to question everything you say, is highly sensitive, or has multiple meltdowns a day. Very few people can cope with all that and be a calm parent while feeling overwhelmed and pushed to their limit.
But there are ways to reduce the feelings of overwhelm. Here I’m going to share 8 tips for reducing overwhelm so that you can be a calm parent.
1. Don't sweat the small stuff
It's easy to get wrapped up in the little things and lose sight of what's important. Everything may seem like a big deal at the time, but most things are just not that important. Just ask yourself - will this matter in a week, a month, a year? Seeing the unimportant things for what they really are can really help you feel less overwhelmed. So don't sweat the small stuff and focus on what's really important...your relationships with your kids.
2. Take some time for yourself
Sometimes all you need is a break. If you're feeling frazzled, take a few minutes (or even an hour or two) for yourself. Whether it's taking a few minutes to yourself in the morning before everyone wakes up or after dinner, giving yourself some time to rejuvenate will help you feel better and less stressed out. Go for a walk, take a bubble bath, or just sit down with a good book.
You need to be able to refill your own energy before you can deal calmly with your kids. Little and often is usually better than occasionally for a few hours. If you can swing it, schedule some regular "me time" into your week so that you can have some time to yourself on a regular basis. You deserve it!
3. Get organised
One of the best ways to feel less stressed as a parent is to get organised. This means setting up a daily routine for yourself and your children, and sticking to it as much as possible.When your house is cluttered and chaotic, or no one knows what’s going to happen next it can be hard to think straight.
If you have small kids you can declutter toys by removing some and replacing them on a rota. Then your kids will always have ‘new’ toys to fall in love with all over again (current favourites shouldn’t be rotated out of course).
Another way of decluttering is to have storage boxes where your kids can see which toys belong where. Like one box for cars, another for dinosaurs etc. Then it becomes easier to tidy and find things.
When your home is decluttered and you have more structure and routine, it is actually easier to stay calm. It is amazing how much your environment affects your ability to stay calm.
4. Set realistic expectations
One of the biggest sources of stress and overwhelm for parents is unrealistic expectations. We expect ourselves to be perfect parents who never lose our tempers and always have perfectly behaved children. But that's not realistic (or healthy).
So go easy on yourself and set realistic expectations for yourself and your kids. Everyone will have a bad day at some point.
Ask yourself whenever you come up against a problem “is this a realistic expectation I have?” It might not be realistic to expect your 3 year old not to spill his milk, but he can help you clean it up. Or it might not be realistic for your 6 year old to put her laundry away by herself when she’s the kind of child that craves constant company. But you putting away your laundry at the same time may help.
5. Don't be afraid to ask for help
If you're struggling to do it all, don't be afraid to ask for help from your partner, family members, or friends. It takes a village to raise a child, so don't try to go it alone. No one can do it all, and trying to do it all just results in you being completely exhausted. And no completely exhausted parent can be a calm parent.
Delegating tasks and accepting assistance will help ease some of the burden, allow you to replenish your energy, and allow you to focus on what's most important.
6. Accept help when offered
In a similar way to point 5, if someone offers to help you with something (watch your kids for an hour so you can run errands/take a nap/have some alone time, clean up your kitchen after dinner, etc.), accept their offer! It can be tempting to try to do everything yourself but that's not healthy or sustainable. So next time someone offers to help you out, say yes! You'll be glad you did.
7. Prioritise your mental health
One of the most important things that you can do for yourself as a parent is to prioritise your mental health. This means making time for things like exercise, relaxation, and self-care. When you take care of yourself , you're better able to take care of your family . So don't hesitate to put yourself first.
This advice is often seen as the opposite to what most people assume about parenting - that you should always put your kids first. But that’s the reason there are so many exhausted (and not calm) parents. There is a reason we’re supposed to put on our own oxygen masks before helping our kids. No parent can stay calm when they’re running on empty.
At the same time, by putting yourself first we don’t mean ignoring your kids’ needs or neglecting them. We mean prioritise activities that will refill your energy so you can skip overwhelm and stay calm. Because a calm happy parent is far healthier to a child than a stressed, angry parent.
8. Seek out support
Parenting can be a lonely job, especially if you don't have family or friends nearby who are also parents. Seek out support by joining a local parenting group or online forum. There's nothing like commiserating (and celebrating!) with others who are going through the same thing as you. Plus, you might even make some new friends in the process!
Parenting is hard work, but it's also incredibly rewarding. These tips should help you reduce the overwhelm and find ways of refilling your energy so that you can be a calmer parent.
If you’re looking for more ways you can become a calmer parent, join our free Calm Parent Challenge 24-28 October 2022. You can find more information and sign up here: https://training.calmfunparenting.com