Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Work (And What To Do Instead)

Ah, New Year’s resolutions. The glittering promise of “New Year, New Me,” right? By February, though, that glitter often turns into guilt. Whether it’s eating better, yelling less, or finally using that gym membership, resolutions are often about big changes. But why do so many of them fizzle out faster than the champagne bubbles from New Year’s Eve?

Spoiler alert: It’s not because you lack willpower.

Let’s explore the pitfalls of New Year’s resolutions and how you can approach change in a way that truly sticks.

The All-Or-Nothing Mentality: Resolutions’ Fatal Flaw

Here’s the thing: most resolutions are based on an all-or-nothing mentality. You decide that starting 1 January, you’ll eat only kale, meditate for an hour daily, and never raise your voice again—especially at your kids.

Sounds ideal, right? But this mindset sets you up for failure. Why? Because life happens. Kids throw tantrums. Deadlines pile up. And kale, let’s be honest, doesn’t taste great every day.

When we can’t maintain perfection, we often throw in the towel. “I yelled at my kids today - I’m just a terrible parent,” ”I ate pizza instead of kale today – I’m a failure” (cue the emotional spiral.)

The Science of Habits: Why Change Feels Impossible

Habits aren’t just things you “do” - they’re deeply wired into your nervous system. Some habits, especially those we dislike are rooted in survival behaviours.

When your child throws a tantrum in the supermarket and you snap, it’s not because you’re a bad parent. It’s because your nervous system is trying to protect you. From what? Well, your brain perceives the situation as a threat - whether that’s fear of judgment from other shoppers or frustration boiling over. Yelling is your nervous system’s way of saying, “let’s get control of this chaos NOW.”

This is called a stress response, and it bypasses logic (probably because you developed the response as a child when the logic part of your brain wasn’t fully developed). And no amount of sheer willpower can override a nervous system in survival mode.

Let me say that again. Your nervous system responses will always trump your sheer willpower.

So how can we get around that?

Why Baby Steps Work (And Resolutions Don’t)

Here’s the truth: big, sweeping resolutions don’t align with how your brain actually changes. Neuroscience shows that small, consistent steps are what rewire neural pathways. This process is called neuroplasticity, and it works through repetition - not perfection. (In fact making mistakes gives us great data / feedback so we don’t actually want perfection here).

Instead of deciding to “never yell again,” a more effective approach might be:

• Pause and calm your own nervous system before responding to your child’s outburst (if you want ideas on how to do this, click this link).
• Reflect later (when you’re fully calm and away from the situation) about what triggered you. Our triggers shine a big light on our limiting beliefs, and our limiting beliefs can be overcome, so keeping track of our triggers is going to be very helpful.
• Celebrate small wins - like the one time you stayed calm when you usually don’t.

Baby steps keep your nervous system from freaking out. And when your nervous system feels safe, it’s not likely going to be resistant to change.

The Role of Limiting Beliefs in Sticking to Goals

Often, the habits we want to change are tied to deeply ingrained beliefs. Maybe you yell because deep down, you believe “I have to control my kids, or I’m failing as a parent.” Or maybe you snack at night because you associate food with comfort and safety.

These beliefs might not seem logical, but they were created by your nervous system to help you survive - whether in childhood or during a particularly stressful time in life.

The key isn’t to shame yourself for having these habits or beliefs. It’s to gently work through them so they no longer hold you back. Somatic healing practices, or trauma-informed coaching can help you process these patterns on a deep, subconscious level.

How to Succeed with Your Goals in 2025

Forget the “New Year, New Me” mindset. Instead, think “New Year, Small Wins.”
Here’s how:

1. Make goals specific and small: Instead of “I’ll lose 15 kg,” try “I’ll walk for 15 minutes after dinner.”
2. Focus on process, not perfection: Progress isn’t linear, and that’s okay.
3. Be open to taking a different route: We often have a black and white idea in our head of how to achieve our goals (or is that just me?). But there are many different paths we can take and still arrive at our destination. When we don’t try to force the journey (the universe hates to be micromanaged), different, more exciting paths that we’d never even thought about can appear.
4. Work with your nervous system: Recognise that some habits are survival behaviours. Be gentle with yourself as you untangle them.
5. Get support: Whether it’s a coach or therapist, having guidance can make a world of difference.

Final Thoughts: Embrace the Journey

The truth is, change is messy, non-linear, and often uncomfortable. But it’s also deeply rewarding. By trading the all-or-nothing mentality for baby steps and working with your nervous system instead of against it, you can create lasting transformation - not just for the new year, but for your life.

So let’s toast to progress, not perfection. And remember, it’s not about being a perfect parent or person—it’s about showing up, one small step at a time.

(And to be quite honest with you, you can make a new resolution at any point in the year. I tend to actually avoid the rush on 31 December, but that’s just me. There is absolutely nothing wrong in making a new resolution to change a habit or set a goal in November, or March, or during the summer. But New Years Eve is often a good reminder to look at our situation and take stock of what we want to happen and what habits we want to leave behind.).

So, what do you want to work on changing?